I just saw a Car Max commercial with a guy going up to the window to pay for the gas he just put in his car. The cashier told him that would be the shirt off his back. He was shocked but dutifully handed over the shirt. The point of the commercial is that gas prices are really high and filling up will cost you "the shirt off your back."
I wish!
Tell you what, I can't think of a shirt I own, with the exception of some cycling jerseys that as much as a tank of gas. You want one of my shirts in exchange for a tank of gas? Let me know what station that is because I'm good to go! I'll even start carrying spares in the car. I have lots of shirts.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Gas Mileage
OK. I have a very functional vehicle that I like for a lot of reasons. However, from the moment I drove it off the lot, I have been racked with guilt for choosing practicality over fuel economy. I drive a Honda Element. It's a low emission vehicle, but it only averages 22+ MPG. It's a rolling box, after all. There's no aerodynamics at work here. At all.
I know people who will idle while waiting for people to run into the store or whatever. They will idle in parking lots, driveways, whatever. I try not to do that. I try to roll down the windows and wait it out. Well, in Arizona in the summer it's difficult to do that when you have a small child in the car with you. You can't legally roast a baby for your own ecological positions. It's frowned upon anyway.
Twice since my last fill up I have been in situations where I was left idling with my grandson in the back waiting for someone to meet us. I couldn't turn off the air. (That's another thing--when there's a baby in the back seat you pretty much have to run the air, too!) As a result, after my most recent fill up I put my numbers into the gas mileage spreadsheet I keep and found that because of these idling sessions and incessant air conditioning I only averaged a hair over 19 MPG. That's crazy! I've never had mileage that low.
Thinking it over, there are always alternatives. I could have waited inside a building, or whatever. I could walked around outside with the baby. Whatever. I wasn't locked in the car. There are always choices. Next time my choice will be a bit more informed.
I know people who will idle while waiting for people to run into the store or whatever. They will idle in parking lots, driveways, whatever. I try not to do that. I try to roll down the windows and wait it out. Well, in Arizona in the summer it's difficult to do that when you have a small child in the car with you. You can't legally roast a baby for your own ecological positions. It's frowned upon anyway.
Twice since my last fill up I have been in situations where I was left idling with my grandson in the back waiting for someone to meet us. I couldn't turn off the air. (That's another thing--when there's a baby in the back seat you pretty much have to run the air, too!) As a result, after my most recent fill up I put my numbers into the gas mileage spreadsheet I keep and found that because of these idling sessions and incessant air conditioning I only averaged a hair over 19 MPG. That's crazy! I've never had mileage that low.
Thinking it over, there are always alternatives. I could have waited inside a building, or whatever. I could walked around outside with the baby. Whatever. I wasn't locked in the car. There are always choices. Next time my choice will be a bit more informed.
Monday, August 11, 2008
A Poem I Hesitate To Post....
This is a poem I probably shouldn't print. It's presumptuous on too many levels. I've never had a miscarriage and I can't possibly know the pain and frustration of having a miscarriage. I understand this. Yet, as a writer, I can't help but try to put myself in the positions of others, even when those positions are painful. Let me just say this, if I offend anyone by putting this here, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't intend to cause you pain.
Miscarriage
Don't call me barren. I am not barren.
I have taken seed and held it.
I have brought forth life.
I have done everything right.
So why don't I have a baby?
Why am I not a mother, as I long to be?
Every day my womb aches with emptiness.
I wrap my arms around my own belly,
Too flat, hollow, wasted.
I've nearly run out of tears.
My head spins with the endless cycle
Of anger, depression. Anger. Depression.
Whoever came up with this name?
As though I made a mistake.
As if I dropped something after a misstep.
As if I failed to carry my baby correctly.
The implication is there, that this is my fault.
That I can learn to do it properly.
That I can avoid the next "spontaneous abortion."
As though a brief moment of doubt caused this.
One whimsical moment of impulse.
Spontaneous abortion.
Stop fucking calling it that!
Do you hear me? Stop. Fucking. Calling. It. That.
None of these things is right.
I have had no "spontaneous abortions."
I have not failed to carry my baby correctly.
Above all, I am not barren.
I have almost been a mother.
And no matter what, I will be a mother.
August 2008
Miscarriage
Don't call me barren. I am not barren.
I have taken seed and held it.
I have brought forth life.
I have done everything right.
So why don't I have a baby?
Why am I not a mother, as I long to be?
Every day my womb aches with emptiness.
I wrap my arms around my own belly,
Too flat, hollow, wasted.
I've nearly run out of tears.
My head spins with the endless cycle
Of anger, depression. Anger. Depression.
Whoever came up with this name?
As though I made a mistake.
As if I dropped something after a misstep.
As if I failed to carry my baby correctly.
The implication is there, that this is my fault.
That I can learn to do it properly.
That I can avoid the next "spontaneous abortion."
As though a brief moment of doubt caused this.
One whimsical moment of impulse.
Spontaneous abortion.
Stop fucking calling it that!
Do you hear me? Stop. Fucking. Calling. It. That.
None of these things is right.
I have had no "spontaneous abortions."
I have not failed to carry my baby correctly.
Above all, I am not barren.
I have almost been a mother.
And no matter what, I will be a mother.
August 2008
Birthday
Birthday
You think this gift is important. Expensive. Quality.
The rich caramel hide and stitching,
Soft, yet stiff, perfect, yet incomplete.
What is missing is the love.
Like this glove I need to be filled--
Oiled and rubbed, nurtured to a perfect fit and form.
What does it matter if you give me a symbol?
A glove without a ball, or a hand to throw it?
This gift is empty whether my hand fills it or not.
I don't need a glove. I don't even need a ball.
What I need is you in front of me--
Waiting. Watching. Hoping.
Wanting to throw me a ball should one come rolling by.
You think this gift is important. Expensive. Quality.
The rich caramel hide and stitching,
Soft, yet stiff, perfect, yet incomplete.
What is missing is the love.
Like this glove I need to be filled--
Oiled and rubbed, nurtured to a perfect fit and form.
What does it matter if you give me a symbol?
A glove without a ball, or a hand to throw it?
This gift is empty whether my hand fills it or not.
I don't need a glove. I don't even need a ball.
What I need is you in front of me--
Waiting. Watching. Hoping.
Wanting to throw me a ball should one come rolling by.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
A Map For Saturday
I just watched a documentary called A Map For Saturday and really enjoyed it. Made by an ex-HBO producer named Brook Silva-Braga after he backpacked around the world, it's surprisingly well done for something that was filmed with a hand held camera while living out of a backpack for a year.
Silva-Braga covers his journey by not only looking at the places he traveled but also the experiences and thoughts and impressions of the people he meets along the way. He looks at the hardships of such travel, living out of a single bag, sleeping in hostels, the emotional highs and lows, the challenges, and even has room for a little socio-political commentary along the way (but never in a heavy handed way).
Apart from the actual documentary, the extras on the DVD seem almost essential to the full experience of the film. In the extras he does post interviews with the main people covered in the film, including "girlfriends" and "best friends" he had along the way. It is interesting to hear their different, yet quite similar reactions to not only the film but also life after the road.
Such a trip is obviously not for everyone. There are some pretty big hurdles to get over before you could contemplate such a thing, not to mention the mental and physical aspects of it. For one, and probably the biggest obstacle--other than putting your life on hold for a year, would be the financial aspect. Not only would you need to quit your job, or somehow suspend it, but you would have to figure out how to pay your bills, etc. For most of us, it's a near impossibility.
The ideal situation would be to have no financial commitments. That is, no outstanding bills, no monthly payments, no mortgage, rent, phone bill, any of that. No pets, children who can't travel with you, any of that. Any relationships you do have would have to be the kind you could also put on hold--parents and siblings, basically. I would think it would be quite difficult to even entertain maintaining a romantic relationship while you "backpack around the world." Not too many people are going to put up with that kind of poppycock. Of course, you could do the trip together. As someone in the movie points out, such a trip would certainly be the ultimate test--if you could survive the trip and come out the other side still together you'd probably be together forever. On top of all of that you would still have to have some kind of "nest egg" that you could liquidate to take your trip. Silva-Braga spend about $20,000 on his trip. I'm not certain if that included his round the world ticket--generally between $5K-$6K.
I don't think I know anyone who fits this profile. At all. Maybe I've had students along the way who could pull it off. Trust funders, perhaps. Who knows. I can think of one person, maybe. If anyone could pull it off, he could--my old boss's son. He has the right profile, but I don't know about the funding. Maybe if his dad was feeling generous? Who knows. I can think of maybe two others who might benefit from such a trip, but the funding would be a hitch, methinks.
Either way, it's an entertaining and sometimes eye opening little film and I highly recommend it. You can't get it at Blockbuster or Netflix or anything like that. It's only available through the website, but it's only $15--that's one ticket to a movie and a medium popcorn, if you're lucky, so it's cheap in comparison. Give it a whirl. You'll like it.
Silva-Braga covers his journey by not only looking at the places he traveled but also the experiences and thoughts and impressions of the people he meets along the way. He looks at the hardships of such travel, living out of a single bag, sleeping in hostels, the emotional highs and lows, the challenges, and even has room for a little socio-political commentary along the way (but never in a heavy handed way).
Apart from the actual documentary, the extras on the DVD seem almost essential to the full experience of the film. In the extras he does post interviews with the main people covered in the film, including "girlfriends" and "best friends" he had along the way. It is interesting to hear their different, yet quite similar reactions to not only the film but also life after the road.
Such a trip is obviously not for everyone. There are some pretty big hurdles to get over before you could contemplate such a thing, not to mention the mental and physical aspects of it. For one, and probably the biggest obstacle--other than putting your life on hold for a year, would be the financial aspect. Not only would you need to quit your job, or somehow suspend it, but you would have to figure out how to pay your bills, etc. For most of us, it's a near impossibility.
The ideal situation would be to have no financial commitments. That is, no outstanding bills, no monthly payments, no mortgage, rent, phone bill, any of that. No pets, children who can't travel with you, any of that. Any relationships you do have would have to be the kind you could also put on hold--parents and siblings, basically. I would think it would be quite difficult to even entertain maintaining a romantic relationship while you "backpack around the world." Not too many people are going to put up with that kind of poppycock. Of course, you could do the trip together. As someone in the movie points out, such a trip would certainly be the ultimate test--if you could survive the trip and come out the other side still together you'd probably be together forever. On top of all of that you would still have to have some kind of "nest egg" that you could liquidate to take your trip. Silva-Braga spend about $20,000 on his trip. I'm not certain if that included his round the world ticket--generally between $5K-$6K.
I don't think I know anyone who fits this profile. At all. Maybe I've had students along the way who could pull it off. Trust funders, perhaps. Who knows. I can think of one person, maybe. If anyone could pull it off, he could--my old boss's son. He has the right profile, but I don't know about the funding. Maybe if his dad was feeling generous? Who knows. I can think of maybe two others who might benefit from such a trip, but the funding would be a hitch, methinks.
Either way, it's an entertaining and sometimes eye opening little film and I highly recommend it. You can't get it at Blockbuster or Netflix or anything like that. It's only available through the website, but it's only $15--that's one ticket to a movie and a medium popcorn, if you're lucky, so it's cheap in comparison. Give it a whirl. You'll like it.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
OV Farmers Market
I like to go to the OV Farmers Market on Saturdays. I don't make it every week, probably not even most weeks, but I like to go. There are a lot of good things to be had at the market. My favorites are fresh roasted garlic and poblano peppers; the vegan "pot" pies, which are more like pasties, if you ask me; lots of fresh produce; the jelly stand; an herb plant guy; and a line of pastas that is made up in the Phoenix area.
One of the vendors, Bruce, used to work with me a long time ago at AlphaGraphics. He's now running a small family farm in Catalina and brings some of his produce to market each week. It is all grown without pesticides and all of that crap. It's good quality, healthful food. Right now he's bringing squashes and peppers, sweet onions, tomatoes, apples, nectarines, all that sort of thing. In the spring and fall, when the weather is a little cooler, he brings lots of fresh greens that he sells "mix and match" for $4 for a very generous bag full.
It's easy to spend a lot of money at the market. If I had more disposable cash I could get in trouble there. There's a local tea supplier, honey, coffee, you name it. Sometimes there's a guy there who sells excellent goat cheese products made not too far from here. It's decadent stuff, but none of it's cheap! Still, I highly recommend going to your local farmers market and checking out what they have available. It's generally local stuff and that's a good thing. It keeps the carbon footprint of your food a bit lower.
Which would you rather eat? A bag of lettuce with an arbitrary freshness date on it that was grown thousands of miles away and shipped by truck, train, whatever, in refridgerated cars, sprayed with who knows what along the way, or freshly picked greens raised ten miles from your house by someone you know, or can get to know? It's a no-brainer, really.
This is Bruce. I used to work with him. Now he's a farmer in Catalina! He has great produce, but to be honest, I have a hard time getting up early enough to get to the farmers market to get the best selection. It's not unusual for me to show up and he'll have a bunch of empty or nearly empty bins on the table! I did good today though--purple bell peppers, white button squash, tomatoes, Armenian cucumber, and some zucchini! Yummy stuff.
Here's the herb guy. I have purchased several mint plants and the like from him. Today I bought a purple shiso herb plant. Shiso is used in sushi, though they usually use the green variety. It's sort of like a basil but the taste is very different. I'll toss a few leaves in salads for color and flavor boosting.
The lady in the middle is very nice. She sells some medicinal herbs but her main product is a homemade "pot pie." She sells a free-range chicken variety and a vegan variety. We have to buy both so Joan can have chicken and I can have the delicious vegan. It's hard to tell them apart so we always end up cutting them open to figure out whose is whose! They have vegetables and seasonings and are very good. One of the best things is the raisens she puts in them. It adds a unique level of sweetness. Couple that with an excellent spelt crust and these things are addictive! That's Bruce on the left and the herb guy on the right.
Ah, the pasta guy. He always has a lot of produce with him, as well. I've purchased eggplant, tomatoes, squash, some excellent green beans, and other things from him. However, I consider him the pasta guy because he sells this fantastic pasta that is made up in Phoenix. It comes in a large number of flavors. The habanero is excellent! Eggplant, wild mushroom, basil tomatoe, spinach, you name it. And it's really good quality, delicious pasta. I love it. But it's pricey. It's $6 for a package. It's a generous package, and it's gourmet, but $6, I admit, is a bit much for pasta. And he's never lacking for suggestions on preparing what he sells either. However, most of his suggestions involve things like five pounds of butter and heavy cream, so I don't usually follow his recipes!
One of the vendors, Bruce, used to work with me a long time ago at AlphaGraphics. He's now running a small family farm in Catalina and brings some of his produce to market each week. It is all grown without pesticides and all of that crap. It's good quality, healthful food. Right now he's bringing squashes and peppers, sweet onions, tomatoes, apples, nectarines, all that sort of thing. In the spring and fall, when the weather is a little cooler, he brings lots of fresh greens that he sells "mix and match" for $4 for a very generous bag full.
It's easy to spend a lot of money at the market. If I had more disposable cash I could get in trouble there. There's a local tea supplier, honey, coffee, you name it. Sometimes there's a guy there who sells excellent goat cheese products made not too far from here. It's decadent stuff, but none of it's cheap! Still, I highly recommend going to your local farmers market and checking out what they have available. It's generally local stuff and that's a good thing. It keeps the carbon footprint of your food a bit lower.
Which would you rather eat? A bag of lettuce with an arbitrary freshness date on it that was grown thousands of miles away and shipped by truck, train, whatever, in refridgerated cars, sprayed with who knows what along the way, or freshly picked greens raised ten miles from your house by someone you know, or can get to know? It's a no-brainer, really.
This is Bruce. I used to work with him. Now he's a farmer in Catalina! He has great produce, but to be honest, I have a hard time getting up early enough to get to the farmers market to get the best selection. It's not unusual for me to show up and he'll have a bunch of empty or nearly empty bins on the table! I did good today though--purple bell peppers, white button squash, tomatoes, Armenian cucumber, and some zucchini! Yummy stuff.
Here's the herb guy. I have purchased several mint plants and the like from him. Today I bought a purple shiso herb plant. Shiso is used in sushi, though they usually use the green variety. It's sort of like a basil but the taste is very different. I'll toss a few leaves in salads for color and flavor boosting.
The lady in the middle is very nice. She sells some medicinal herbs but her main product is a homemade "pot pie." She sells a free-range chicken variety and a vegan variety. We have to buy both so Joan can have chicken and I can have the delicious vegan. It's hard to tell them apart so we always end up cutting them open to figure out whose is whose! They have vegetables and seasonings and are very good. One of the best things is the raisens she puts in them. It adds a unique level of sweetness. Couple that with an excellent spelt crust and these things are addictive! That's Bruce on the left and the herb guy on the right.
Ah, the pasta guy. He always has a lot of produce with him, as well. I've purchased eggplant, tomatoes, squash, some excellent green beans, and other things from him. However, I consider him the pasta guy because he sells this fantastic pasta that is made up in Phoenix. It comes in a large number of flavors. The habanero is excellent! Eggplant, wild mushroom, basil tomatoe, spinach, you name it. And it's really good quality, delicious pasta. I love it. But it's pricey. It's $6 for a package. It's a generous package, and it's gourmet, but $6, I admit, is a bit much for pasta. And he's never lacking for suggestions on preparing what he sells either. However, most of his suggestions involve things like five pounds of butter and heavy cream, so I don't usually follow his recipes!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Bonk!
Yesterday, I bonked. I bonked bad. I've had times where I've "bonked," had to stop and get my bearings, put my head down for a bit. But yesterday I was in bad shape--pull over, put my head down and I hope I don't pass out or puke shape.
Of course, it was my own fault. I went off in the height of the day. In July. In Arizona. With no food. I took off on my bike to do some geocaching and figured I'd bike around to find some caches and then hike up one of the trails in the state park to check on one of my own caches. So I ended up biking for a little over an hour and then headed up to the state park. It wasn't a long hike, about a mile in and a mile out. Going in was the hard part, since it was all uphill and it was high noon with no shade. Still, so far, so good.
On the last cache I made a logistical error that I thought would get me closer to the cache by bike and shorten the hiking part of it, but, as I said, I was mistaken. I ended up going back to the site of the first clue for that cache. At that time I thought I would stop at Starbucks and get a recharge of some kind. All I ate for breakfast was half an english muffin with peanut butter. I didn't bring any food with me and only water to drink. Not too bright.
I went back to the first clue. I hiked across the wash and up a hill to get the main cache of this two part find. I made it back to the bike and, since we had plans for the evening, decided I had better head home. I was going to go right by that Starbucks again and figured I should get some energy in me, either a straight sugary coffee drink, a muffin, both, whatever. But I thought, hey, I'm less than four miles from home and I have plenty of water left. Save a few bucks and some time and just head home. I was feeling fine, after all.
The next half mile was up a hill. Not a drastic hill by any means, but it was uphill, certainly. All of a sudden, at the top of the hill I felt wiped out. Just dog tired. And hot. I turned onto the road I needed to take and pulled over to the side to catch my breath, get my system calmed down a bit, and have another drink. The next couple of miles would be a series of rollers. I ended up mostly coasting on the downhills and stopping at the top of each climb, feeling worse with each one.
The last mile would take me nearly twenty minutes. I stopped four or five times. The third to the last stop was about the worst. I was ready to black out at the top of the hill and when I stopped and put my head down I thought I was going to vomit. I'm not sure how long I stood there, but it was a while.
I made it home and turned the hose on my head to cool down. I went in and managed to mix up a protein shake and I sat down and drank that. In a short time I was feeling much better. With some calories in me and a nice cool environment, I recovered rather well. After a shower I was well on my way. We went to The Dark Knight (a great movie, by the way) and we bought a bag of popcorn and I had, for the first time in a long time, a pop. I had Pibb Xtra. I have no idea what the "Xtra" is, but I assume it's sugar and caffeine. Yeah, it was a bit sugary, but I think between the salty popcorn and the sugary drink I was getting just what I needed.
Anyway, it's stupid to go off for four or more hours in the middle of summer in the middle of the day without taking care of your nutrition needs. Bring food or stop and buy some. I had no excuses. I didn't bring anything, but there were a few places I could have stopped for a bite to eat, or even just a Gatorade or some such thing. But I didn't. Don't be like me. Think before you head out. Take care of yourself. If I had been out in the middle of nowhere on a solo bike tour or a solo hike or some such thing and I wasn't prepared I would have been in real trouble. I was lucky to have this happen so close to home.
Get out and do whatever it is you do, but be careful and be prepared.
And don't forget to reapply your sunblock!
Of course, it was my own fault. I went off in the height of the day. In July. In Arizona. With no food. I took off on my bike to do some geocaching and figured I'd bike around to find some caches and then hike up one of the trails in the state park to check on one of my own caches. So I ended up biking for a little over an hour and then headed up to the state park. It wasn't a long hike, about a mile in and a mile out. Going in was the hard part, since it was all uphill and it was high noon with no shade. Still, so far, so good.
On the last cache I made a logistical error that I thought would get me closer to the cache by bike and shorten the hiking part of it, but, as I said, I was mistaken. I ended up going back to the site of the first clue for that cache. At that time I thought I would stop at Starbucks and get a recharge of some kind. All I ate for breakfast was half an english muffin with peanut butter. I didn't bring any food with me and only water to drink. Not too bright.
I went back to the first clue. I hiked across the wash and up a hill to get the main cache of this two part find. I made it back to the bike and, since we had plans for the evening, decided I had better head home. I was going to go right by that Starbucks again and figured I should get some energy in me, either a straight sugary coffee drink, a muffin, both, whatever. But I thought, hey, I'm less than four miles from home and I have plenty of water left. Save a few bucks and some time and just head home. I was feeling fine, after all.
The next half mile was up a hill. Not a drastic hill by any means, but it was uphill, certainly. All of a sudden, at the top of the hill I felt wiped out. Just dog tired. And hot. I turned onto the road I needed to take and pulled over to the side to catch my breath, get my system calmed down a bit, and have another drink. The next couple of miles would be a series of rollers. I ended up mostly coasting on the downhills and stopping at the top of each climb, feeling worse with each one.
The last mile would take me nearly twenty minutes. I stopped four or five times. The third to the last stop was about the worst. I was ready to black out at the top of the hill and when I stopped and put my head down I thought I was going to vomit. I'm not sure how long I stood there, but it was a while.
I made it home and turned the hose on my head to cool down. I went in and managed to mix up a protein shake and I sat down and drank that. In a short time I was feeling much better. With some calories in me and a nice cool environment, I recovered rather well. After a shower I was well on my way. We went to The Dark Knight (a great movie, by the way) and we bought a bag of popcorn and I had, for the first time in a long time, a pop. I had Pibb Xtra. I have no idea what the "Xtra" is, but I assume it's sugar and caffeine. Yeah, it was a bit sugary, but I think between the salty popcorn and the sugary drink I was getting just what I needed.
Anyway, it's stupid to go off for four or more hours in the middle of summer in the middle of the day without taking care of your nutrition needs. Bring food or stop and buy some. I had no excuses. I didn't bring anything, but there were a few places I could have stopped for a bite to eat, or even just a Gatorade or some such thing. But I didn't. Don't be like me. Think before you head out. Take care of yourself. If I had been out in the middle of nowhere on a solo bike tour or a solo hike or some such thing and I wasn't prepared I would have been in real trouble. I was lucky to have this happen so close to home.
Get out and do whatever it is you do, but be careful and be prepared.
And don't forget to reapply your sunblock!
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