American Idolatry

There's an old maxim that a million people can't be wrong. It's an old favorite of the marketing world. The truth is that of course a million people can be wrong. It's ludicrous to think otherwise. And there is no evidence more clear than the television show American Idol.

A gazillion people watch this show.* At least half a gazillion** vote in the end. Many are mindlessly led along by the judges--even ditsy, drug-addled Paula Abdul sways some of the audience. It was clear this evening that the judges had crowned the differently-abled boy, David Archuleta, as the winner, even though he is only capable of singing one type of song in one way with no variation. Simon, in fact, has an obvious man-crush on the underage boy, which is at once disturbing and unsurprising. This guy consistently tells contestants their performances were "old fashioned," yet his boy-love is practically from the last century when it comes to song choices.

The show's title has proven to be a joke anyway. More often than not the "winners" spend their lives in obscurity. Fantasia? Ruben? Taylor Hicks? Yeah. You'll see them the next time American Idol drags out their "success" stories, but nowhere else. Nowhere that matters anyway. Because the truth is that the true test of our American sense of idolatry is indicated only in the market place. And with few exceptions, American Idol winners aren't successful. Kelly Clarkson, yep. Carrie Underwood, yep. Anyone else? Nope. You hear a lot more of Clay Aiken than you do Ruben Stoddard. You certainly hear a lot more Chris Daughtry than you do Taylor Hicks. So the show is a great way for some of these people to get exposure they otherwise would not receive, but it seems like winning rarely does anything for your long term career.

Another factor is the control the producers of American Idol have over that first record. Kelly Clarkson's first record has far too many crappy ballads, pop, and pseudo-R&B moments. It's her second record that works to her success because she was able to exert more stylistic control. Do you honestly think if Chris Daughtry had won his first record would have been anything but crap?

So here's what happens next. David "Archie" Archuleta wins the title of American Idol (probably to David Cook's benefit, in the end). He weeps. He cries. He guhguhs his way through a moronic thank you. They trot him around the country on The American Idol Tour. Somewhere along the line he is allowed to put out a record that is purchased by grandmas who watch American Idol and by pre-pubescent teens who think they could one day marry the kid who won American Idol. And then he disappears from the minds of the true American consumer market. He might get work next year when they trot him out for a performance on the next season of the show. Who knows, it's even possible that Josh Groban might need an opening act someday. Hey, it could happen. Anything could happen. Who knows--it might even be actually possible that someday the show American Idol could actually discover and produce a true American idol. Doubtful, but possible. And I suppose it's that hope that keeps people tuning in to this crappy piece of offal they call American Idol.

*A gazillion is not a real number. It's completely fictional. But it represents a lot. A whole lot. Of course, what makes it fictional is that it represents both far more than the actual audience of American Idol and far less than the producers of said show would like you to think.

** See * above.